~~Where Am I Going~~

Here I am again.. In my bed alone with those same tears running down my face. Man, how am I feeling? I dont even know myself. Empty. Is that It? Afraid? Even angry? Everything I have been, and hoped to be has been turned up side down.. the last few years have been almost overwhelming at points... I'm at this point in my life where I have two roads I can Pick..One that I have always been prone to go down because I am me..the me I struggle with. Then there is the Other road.. the One I was Branded with..the One my heart knows. I'm here at the crossroads, unable to see through the tears, trying to find my way. Everytime I think I am strong the wind is hit out of me, and here I am trying to find my breath. finally I start to breath again but there it is!... what to do.. what to do.. I'm not sure,but know that I have to make changes for ME..for my family. I'm finally going to break free of a life that has been living in the moment. ..so where Am I going? Maybe On a night like tonight.. in the still of the night I will figure it out.. Everything that has been is over, and maybe this is Gods way of telling me this chapter in my life is finished. Make a new start..beyond preconceptions ..just go with my heart. I know for ONCE in my life that I am taking on the pain and not blaming it On GOD. This is HUGE for me,and maybe this is what I needed..HE is THE forced to be recond with , for once in my life, to draw to him. This is not his doing, but the lack of trust in him that has brought me to this place..I know his heart is greaving with me..Maybe this is why I feel so intuned to him. So the time is here.. My now..It's here..where AM I going?